Untitled
by potatogirl
Summary: *finished!!* Duo and Heero's relationship escalates out of Heero's control, and he runs. But nobody could have ever guessed why...
1. chapter 1

Heero sat on the windowsill with his back to the outside world, eyes closed, listening to the soft rhythms of the rain hitting the windowpane and his hiccuping breaths. He had been crying. The streaks of tears down his cheeks proved this to anyone who could see his down turned face in the dwindling twilight. But the safe house was empty. He had been sent on the mission as a solo test of combat and stealth skills, and had completed it successfully. He had _successfully_ burned an entire village to the ground. He had _successfully_ tortured a man and shot him for a simple entry code. He had _successfully_ taken eleven Generals as hostages and killed all of them, one by one, as a "lesson" to Oz. Tomorrow he would join the other pilots in a safe house for a few days, before they went on a routine, mediocre, search-and-destroy mission. Maybe, by then, he will have managed to muffle the cries of his victims from this mission that were echoing endlessly in his head. Before, of course, repeating the process with the next mission. And the next, and the next, and the next, in an endless circle of guilt and remorse… But the screams never _really _disappeared. They were just squashed into a tiny space reserved at the back of his mind for every man he kills, a place where he could grieve and torture himself for what he has done. And yet, so far, the voices haven't come back to haunt him. _So far_.

~*~

'Systems online. Ready to launch. Three, two, one.'

Wing shook into life and ascended into the early morning reddish-pink sky. Heero flew his Gundam skilfully, barely sending a whisper through the branches of the canopy beneath him. He checked his gauges, scanned the surrounding area for anything unusual, and did everything he had been taught to do when flying a Gundam. Heero liked routine. It helped him keep his mind free from anything he would rather forget. And after the past few days, routine is what he has been praying for.

'Pilot 01, do you copy?'

Heero switched on his monitor without taking his eyes off the horizon and nodded to the individual who had contacted him.

'Copy.' He said.

'Has the mission been completed successfully?'

'Yes.'

'Cool. I've made hotdogs.'

Heero smirked in his mind at the abrupt total change of subject by his co-pilot. But then again, this is Duo.

'And what has that got to do with the mission?' he said with a hint of sarcasm.

'Well, nothing. Just thought you'll be pretty hungry when you get to the safe house.'

Duo's child-like logic again caused a loud smirk to echo in Heero's mind. 

'Thankyou.' Every child loves praise.

'Your welcome,' Duo said brightly. 'See ya in a while. 02 out.'

Heero switched off his monitor, still looking at the horizon. This was his favourite part of the day; it's rebirth, innocent, unflawed. It made him think, if the world can keep on turning, the sun keep on rising, with all the murder and hatred that's in the world, then maybe, just maybe, there's hope for me too. The sun was gradually rising above the leafy canopy, turning the sky from a milky red to orange, before fading into a pastel blue above him. He felt his breath slow down as he took in the immense beauty of the new day. He blinked hard and forced himself back into routine.

~*~

Wing drew to a halt above the abandoned barn where it was to be hidden. Slowly it descended, sending stray pieces of hay twirling wildly in all directions with the wind generated from the booster rockets. Finally its feet hit the ground, and the hatch opened. Heero took hold of the cable and plunged downwards, testing his reflexes as he hit the brake a few feet from the ground. It usually takes a lot to get the adrenaline pumping through Heero's veins, but the rush of air against his skin when he fell always did it for him. 

'Cable return, hatch close.' Heero said into his remote control for Wing. 'Start program #2301.' 

Wing turned 90 degrees and walked into the barn. It disguised itself as Heero had programmed it to, and switched off. Heero breathed out heavily with quiet satisfaction and made his way towards the farmhouse, where the other pilots had been for the past few days.

'Hey, Heero, how was Burma?' Duo slapped him on the back as soon as Heero's feet entered the farmhouse.

'… Hot.' Heero grunted.

'So how come you don't have a tan, dude?'

__

Because I was busy killing people, you bastard.

'… I forgot my sun lotion.' He said out loud and shrugged out of Duo's grip. 'I'm going upstairs for a minute.'

'Okay. But remember, I've made hotdogs.' Duo said, slightly over animatedly.

'Yeah. Whatever.'

Heero closed the door to his empty bedroom, and slid the lock through. He sat down on his bed and stared unblinking out of the dirty window opposite him. His hands shuffled and drew around his waist. Downstairs, doors banged, feet stomped, and the other pilots laughed with one another. Upstairs, alone, Heero watched as the innocence of the new day disappeared, draining his hope with it. And as the last flecks of orange melted into blue, a single tear fell silently from his unblinking eye, hesitated uncertainly on his chin, and fell into his lap.

~*~


	2. chapter 2

Duo hummed tunelessly to himself as he padded down the corridor to the bathroom. It was late, and the moon was bright outside the window, sending long shadows around him. Ahead of him was Heero's room. A light shone from underneath the door. Duo frowned curiously- what was he doing at the hour? He stopped whistling as to not disturb Heero, and made a mental note to check it out after he had visited the bathroom.

~*~

Heero couldn't sleep. He had been squeezing his eyes shut all night, but they refused to remain closed, and his mind declined to settle. Eventually he gave in to his eyelids and got out of bed, intending to finish some mission reports. He breathed out deeply and sat on the side of his bed for a moment, stroking his arm comfortingly. His shoulders relaxed, and he stood up shakily. 

Though as Heero switched on his computer, mission reports were set far back in his mind. He had something he wanted to do instead. 

'Dear… Duo…'

~*~

Duo woke up to the sound of his Barney the Purple Dinosaur alarm clock chortling loudly in his ear. He groaned and slammed his fist down on it, burying himself further down in his covers. He could hear the chickens clucking outside and scraping around in the dirt- and the sound of somebody knocking agitatedly on his door.

'Hey, Duo! Get _up_ you lazy son of a bitch!' 

Duo raised his eyebrows and hopped out of bed, intending to find out who was being so offensive. The knocking continued more rapidly. He opened the door and found Wufei standing with a deeply furrowed brow.

'You're so crude.' Duo stated.

'Onna.' He muttered and skulked off.

Duo sighed and scratched his head, got his hand embedded in some deep knots, winced, and went to find a hairbrush. 

Eventually, when he had braided his hair and got dressed in some casual clothes, he went downstairs for some breakfast. By now it was around eleven, and the rest of the boys were already starting the days activities. Trowa was washing up dishes in the kitchen.

'Hey Trowa,' Duo said and took a plate from the pile of freshly washed and dried. 'So, what you planning on doing in the next five days break?'

'Don't know. Probably catch up on some reports.'

Duo snorted. 'You sound just like Heero,' he looked at Trowa with mock alarm. 'It's scary.'

Just on cue, Heero entered the room. His eyes were dull and downcast. Suddenly Duo remembered; he had meant to check up on him last night. He must have forgotten in his half-awake state. 

'Late night?' he asked. He wanted Heero to tell him, rather than make him ask.

'What? Oh, no.'

Duo felt a pang of annoyance in him at his lie, but didn't pursue it any further. It was probably nothing anyway. By now Trowa had left the room, and Heero was searching through the cupboards for something to eat.

'Sit down, I'll get you something.' Even if Heero wouldn't tell him with words, his numbed state told Duo that he used up a lot of energy last night.

Heero nodded and sat down at the table. Duo slid a box of cereal and milk onto the table and sat down next to him. They ate in relative silence. Heero lingered on every mouthful and watched as Duo shovelled the meal into his mouth. Duo burped and caught his gaze.

'… What?'

Heero shook his head wearily and looked down at his bowl.

Might as well take the bull by the horns, Duo thought, Can't think of anything else to talk about anyway.

'What were you doing last night?' He said.

'I told you, nothing.'

'I saw a light on in your room, around two.'

Heero was silent. He stood up and put his bowl in the sink. When he turned around, he avoided Duo's stare and shrugged.

'I can't remember. I must've heard a noise, or something.'

'…. Ok then.' He knew that was a reasonable enough explanation, but something nagged at Duo in the back of his mind. He dismissed it and cleared the table.

~*~

Heero looked at the clock on his wall, watching as the shadow of the second hand ticked around the face. One thirty. An owl hooted outside the window and the trees whispered as the faint wind laced through their branches. He rolled his shoulders and continued typing. An hour passed before he finally got up and had a walk around his room. His throat was dry, so he went silently downstairs into the kitchen for a drink. A light was already on, and he could hear the kettle hiss as it came to boiling point. Heero hesitated outside the door, then went inside. Duo looked up from the table and smiled. He was clasping a cup of something hot, his chin positioned above the steam rising from its surface.

'Hi,' He said softly. 'Couldn't sleep?'

'No.' Heero said and poured himself a cup of coffee. He leaned against the work surface and sipped it cautiously.

'Sit down.' Duo said. Heero went and slowly levered himself down opposite him.

'So, uh, why are you up?' he ran his finger around the rim of his cup and looked at Duo. His bangs were shooting out in every direction, and his braid managed to keep only a few strands of hair in place. It occurred to him that he had never seen Duo in this state-messy, childlike. He kind of liked seeing him like this as well, knowing that Duo was comfortable enough to let him. 

'Couldn't sleep.'

They both smirked uncertainly as they watched the trickle of conversation sink into the sand. Duo bowed his head and closed his eyes. Heero could tell because his long dark eyelashes sank slowly and didn't rise again. He realised that he was staring and looked down quickly at his cup. The heavy silence sucked all the air out of the room, until Heero felt like he was almost suffocating in it. He drained his cup and stood up. Duo looked at him expectantly as he moved then quickly looked back down. Heero paused and looked at his bare back, tracing the lines up to the nape of his neck with his eyes.

'You need to brush your hair.' He said. Duo brought up a hand and lost it in his matted hair.

'Yeah, I guess so.'

'I'll do it.' Heero's heart beat stalled. That was never meant to come out…'I- if that would help.' He added quickly in an attempt to save some face.

What Heero couldn't see, was Duo's eyes bug and his pupils widen, and what he couldn't feel, was how his breath stopped sharply and his heart skip a beat.


	3. chapter 3

A/N: Okay, this is the _tame_ version of the next chapter. The other horribly disturbed me, since it was… oh we don't need to go into that now. Anyway, thank you very much to everyone who reviewed, they were really helpful, I'll keep everything in mind. Okay then, here goes…

~*~

'- Hey, you know what, forget it. It's late.' Heero patted Duo on the shoulder and made his way towards the door.

'Um, sure. See you in the morning then Heero, I guess…'

Heero waved a hand over his shoulder and closed the kitchen door behind him. Duo stared at it for a while, stood up, chucked his mug in the sink, and slumped up to his room. 

~*~

'Quatre, I need that report before three so I can send it off.' Heero said, squinting in the bright sunlight as he walked out into the yard. Quatre, Duo and Trowa were sitting on sunbeds, cocktails in hand, laughing loudly at a joke. 

'What? Oh, sure Heero, whatever.' Quatre said.

'You too Duo.'

'Yeah, I'll put it on your desk later.' Duo looked over to him. He was wearing electric-pink rimmed sunglasses and a sombrero. Heero glared at him profusely. 'Do you wanna drink? You've been working hard lately, I think you deserve a break.'

'Yeah, come on Heero!' Quatre grinned and held up a bottle of Vodka. Heero stalled as he began to warm up in the sunlight. Duo looked so happy, and he would like to see more, but…

'No thank you. Enjoy your alcohol.' He said sharply, and left without another word. 

Duo raised his eyebrows. 'What's his problem?' Quatre and Trowa shared a knowing look. '…What?'

'Nothing.' Trowa said, surpressing a smile.

'You know something.' Duo said, narrowing his eyes. 'Tell me-'

Quatre quickly took Duo's glass from his hand. 'Refill?'

~*~

'Lousy reports, why do I always have to do one? Stupid…' Duo muttered darkly to himself and rapped his fist on Heero's door. 'Heero? I got your damn report here. You know how long this took me? I hope for your sake its still sunny tomorrow, 'cos I've missed out on… Heero are you listening to me?'

Duo frowned and nudged the door open. The room was empty, but his computer was still on. 

'Huh.' 

He walked over to the desk and looked at the computer screen. 

'Oh Heero, leaving your personal files on view? You should know better, who _knows_ what kind of immoral person could go through them…' Duo scrolled down, looking for anything of interest to him. 'Boring bastard.' He was about to leave, when he saw the edge of a minimised object in the corner of the screen.

'" Password required". Arse.'

Suddenly he heard the sound of footsteps approaching the room. He quickly returned the screen to the state he found it in and stood up looking sheepish.

'What are you doing in my room?' Heero ran over and pushed Duo away from the computer.

'Hey, chill. I came to give you this-' he handed him a floppy disk. 'It's got my report on.'

'Don't _ever_ look at my files.' Heero glared.

'Yeah whatever.'

'Ever.'

'Alright, alright!' Duo said, touching his arm lightly. Heero shrugged away and turned to his computer.

'Go.' He growled.

Duo raised his palms and walked out. 

Heero's face softened when the door banged shut behind Duo. He relaxed slightly and sat down in his chair. The dirty window let in a few beams of light as it began to fade into a striking shade of pink with the coming of evening, and the sudden change caught Heero's attention. He turned his head towards the window, watching the beams fluctuate as clouds passed through them. He drew out his arms and cupped the sunlight in his hands. The milky-softness of it masked all of his scars and wounds, making his tired and bruised knuckles look as perfect and untouched as a child's. He clenched his fist and watched the shadows of his fingers for a moment. A cloud passed over the sun, and the light disappeared. Heero frowned and turned back to his computer and started to type furiously. 

It took Heero about an hour to complete the full report on the groups current status and his plans for the next assault on Oz. When he had finished and sent it off, he brought up the object Duo had tried to look at and entered a password. A folder was brought up. He scrolled down and clicked on a document. Again a password was typed in before he could have access. A screen came into view, and he read through its pages. Before Heero was not a secret infiltration plan, or blueprints to a new Gundam, or classified Oz codes; it was an unfinished letter, addressed to Duo. He had written the beginning, and the part where he said goodbye, but Heero wasn't very good at explaining things, so the middle part was taking more time than he had expected. Heero put his hands on the keyboard and started to type.

~*~


	4. chapter 4

    Heero looked up from his computer and frowned at the soft rap on his door.

'Yes?'

'It's Duo.'

Heero quickly shut down his computer and stood up. He opened the door but blocked the entrance with his arm.

'What is it?'

'Can I come in?' Duo smiled vaguely. 'I have to tell you something before I chicken out.'

'Is it important?'

Duo's eyes widened and he leaned forward slightly. '…. Am I?'

~*~

_…. Where am I?_

_…. What's happened?_

_I can't remember anything._

    Heero slowly became more aware of his surroundings. There was a light pressure around his middle limply clinging to his waist. He gently rolled onto his side, not daring to open his eyes. A sweet scent met his senses, and he felt gentle soft breaths on his forehead. Still he couldn't open his eyes. The breaths stopped for a second, then quickened and became slightly louder.

_He's awake._

Heero lay perfectly still, pretending to be asleep. The arm slowly drew away and lingered on his cheek. It ran down the nape of his neck and into the small of his back, taking in every dip and line with its soft fingertips, as it's body shifted closer towards him. Slowly Heero opened his eyes. Duo smiled back at him. He returned the expression quickly and sat up in the bed. 

'I-' Duo began but was silenced as Heero put a hand up in the air.

'Don't. Just, don't.'

    Heero ran a hand through his hair and stood up. He looked out the window and burned a hole through the blue sky, searching for a darker atmosphere that could transport him from these emotions that he didn't deserve. He closed his eyes and cleared his mind of the night before.

'… Go.'

~*~

    'We've been called in. Oz bases don't wait around while we sit on our asses.'

Quatre frowned and nodded sternly.

'I'll go get the others.'

    The Gundam pilots sat at the kitchen table, all swung on their chairs in different fashions. Duo stared at Heero with burning intensity, trying to get his attention. Heero used all of the power he possessed to ignore him.

'Another OZ base has been found in the Delta colony. We can't sit around here while their people swarm around it like flies. We need to hit it now and hit it hard before the situation becomes too complicated. Check your briefs while we fly to save time, so if you have any questions then com me. Agreed?' there was a collective nod as the boys got up from their seats. 'Then lets go.'

~*~

    Wing was the first Gundam in the air. Spikes of hot flames licked the ground as it took the initial leap with the slightest gasp of wind passing over it. Inside the cockpit Heero was on autopilot, not daring to realise what he had done that morning. However he could not escape the image of Duos face when he had told him to leave. That picture would stay etched into his mind even if the words disappeared. Slowly he brought himself back into the world and looked out at the zenith surrounding him. He reached inside his pocket and brought out a small envelope. Putting Wing onto auto, he brought out the letter from inside and read over it. He opened his mouth and his lips quivered on the verge of utterance. Air escaped from his throat but no words formed. He put the letter back in his pocket and switched Wing back on to manual. He couldn't even say what he wanted to himself; he knew now without a shadow of a doubt that there was no way he would be able to say them to Duo.

~*~

    The boys slowed down as they arrived at their destination. Below lay a swirling blood red desert, the dunes rising and falling as a strong wind swept over them. Hidden in a small valley just in front of the horizon they could make out a collection of metal warehouses clumsily grouped together inside a solid metal wall.       

'Everybody clear on the mission?' Heero said down the intercom.

'Yes.'

'Affirmative.'

'Hmmm.'

'… Yes.' Duo answered quietly.

Heero frowned and slammed a hand down on his controls.

'Dammit Duo, if you don't get a grip you're gonna get killed out there! You hear me?!'

'Chill out already Heero, don't be so harsh with him!' Quatre shouted back at him.

'Go to hell Quatre. If any of you die it'll be ME who gets the blame.' Heero growled.

'I didn't think you cared.' Duo said.

    Heero pretended to not hear Duo and brought all of his weapons online. He breathed out and clenched his fists until his fingernails dug into his palms. 

'Remember, short and sweet. Wufei, Trowa and Quatre will sort out any disturbances while Duo drops a bomb in the centre of the complex. When he gives the signal you'll have forty seconds before the whole thing goes sky high.'

'What about you?' Wufei asked.

'…I'm Duo's back up. If anything happens to him, I finish the job.'

'Lets go.' Quatre said. 'And Duo: good luck. You can do it.'

'Alright everyone, 3, 2, 1-'

    Trowa, Quatre and Wufei blasted forward and greeted the base's pitiful defence with a shower of bullets. They drove their opponents down to the ground giving Heero and Duo a clear path forward. The pair sped forward and blasted a couple of suits out of the sky. The others caught up as the remaining twisted pieces of metal of their opponents burned with high spires of smoke behind them.

'Good job. Ok three waves should eliminate these suits. On my signal…' Heero waited until the enemy went into a straight formation. 'NOW!'

The boys' shots were precise and accurately paced. The suits exploded in a furious show of blinding fireworks with a wave of energy that shook the Gundams with a sharp jolt. By now the metal walls of the OZ base were in front of them, looking weak and flimsy. A meagre amount of soldiers were shooting desperately from the barracks. 

'Ok. Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, you stay back and deal with any defence. Duo, in front of me, I'll watch your back.'

'Roger.'

    Duo sped forward and sliced a suit clean in two. The pieces fell down and hit the wall, denting it and scattering the soldiers in all directions. He reached the position where the bomb was to be dropped and hovered.

'Deploying bomb.' Duo pressed the button above his head with a firm finger. There was a crunching sound below him, then a loud groan as some machinery came to a slow halt. Duo frowned and pressed the button again. When nothing happened, he slammed his fist on it repeatedly. There was a dead silence.

'Shit! The mechanism must've busted, goddamit!' he shouted.

'I've got a backup. Get out the way so I can move into position.' Heero said while he set the bomb's timer.

'Heero let me deal with it!'

'Duo, you said your mechanism's gone. There's no way you can get it going again out here.'

Duo paused for a second.

'I'm not your toy Heero. You can't use me and then expect me to forget about it.' He got out of his seat and picked up a gun. 'And you can't rule my life either.'

Heero watched in anguish as he saw Duo jump out of Deathscythe, hit the ground and take out some Oz soldiers.

'What the HELL is he doing?!' he muttered.

    Heero grabbed his gun and went to Duo's aid. He bent low to the ground as he followed Duo, shooting accurately at the Oz soldiers. 

'This is NOT one of your better ideas.' Heero shouted over the gunshot.

'We're not with the other guys now. Don't speak to me unless you want to get killed.' Duo said with furious intensity.

    Heero stayed silent as they moved swiftly towards a small warehouse where the bomb was to be planted. They ran inside and Heero locked the door behind them. Heero watched as Duo set up the bomb, his face set in deep concentration. His heart was pounding heavily in his chest in time with his sharp breaths.

'Duo let me-' he started.

'Shut up.' Duo spat as he ripped a wire with his teeth.

Heero licked his lips and dug a hand deep into his pocket. He walked over to Duo and held out his hand.

'Take it.' He said, gesturing with a nod. Duo looked up to him with glassy eyes. His gaze moved down to the letter in Heero's hand. 'Please?' 

Duo snatched it from him and stuffed it into his pocket. He bent down until his eyes were at the level of the bomb and twisted in two screws to secure the control panel. 

'Three minutes.' He muttered and stood up. His head was bowed in defeat. 'Secure the exit then give me the signal.'

    Heero nodded and ran over to the door, unlocked it, then slowly creaked it open. He was greeted with a wave of gunfire. Heero slammed it shut and cursed loudly.

'There's no chance in hell that we'll be able to get out that way.' Heero looked up at Duo who's faced had drained. '… What?'

'Well you better find a goddamn exit,' he said quietly, 'I've just set the bomb.'

~*~

'You did WHAT?!' Heero spluttered.

'Well I _thought that the perfect soldier would at LEAST be able to get us outta a bloody warehouse!!!' Duo shouted back, his eyes darting around for a possible exit._

'Can't you disarm the thing?' 

'Oh yeah, I'm just standing around like this FOR THE HELL OF IT.'

Heero made a low sound deep in the bottom of his throat and glared at Duo profusely. 

'There's no other way out of here.' He said.

Duo frowned and held his head for a moment. 'God what I wouldn't do for a radio control on Deathscythe right about now…'

Heero's head snapped up. 'How much longer on the timer?'

'Two minutes 10.'

Heero pulled a palm pilot out of his breast pocket and started to tap furiously.

'This is no time to check your email, bastard.'

'Glad you hold such a high opinion about me.' Heero grunted. 

'Seems you've forgotten already about what happened last night.'

Heero looked up momentarily then went back to his tapping. Duo frowned and walked over to him.

'Have you forgotten, Heero?' he bent round until his face was almost touching his ear. 'How could you forget a thing like that. You fucked me, Heero.' He leaned his head in the crook of his neck and let his tongue snake out underneath his chin. Heero quickly darted away without even looking at him. Duo's face smouldered. 'Well I'm glad I mean so much to you that you'll chuck me out your bed then wont even say you're sorry before we die.'

'We're not going to die.' Heero muttered and looked up at him. 'And for what it's worth, I'm sorry.'

Duo laughed out loud, his voice echoing around the warehouse. He checked his watch and sighed. 'One minute left and he's apologising. Well thank _you, Heero.'_

Heero looked up at the ceiling of the warehouse. A loud rumble pulsated above it, drawing closer, until the corrugated iron creaked and groaned underneath a gaining weight.

'What the hell-'

'Stand back.' Heero said from behind a crate.

Duo took a step back and waited. The ceiling exploded and sent splintered of iron in all directions like bullets. Duo shot behind a large barrel, cursing loudly. A blast of wind encircled two shots of flame as they slowed down and stopped just above their heads. Wing was standing proudly before them.

'Jump on.' Heero shouted.

~*~

'Hurry up!' Duo shouted over the noise of the engine blast.

'I need to get into the cockpit. Stay here.' Heero shouted back and started to climb awkwardly up Wing's leg.

'Fifty fucking seconds left!!!!'

    Heero climbed into the cockpit and ran to his seat. He put Wing into manual and slowly brought him up out of the warehouse, glancing down at Duo as he dodged the bullets of the Oz soldiers. Suddenly his intercom crackled into life.

'Would you mind hurrying up before this warehouse blows up in MY face?!' Duo said.

'How long?'

'Thirty seconds!'

Wing shot off into the sky and headed for a tall dune outside the perimeter of the complex. Heero didn't really need to increase his speed so much; but the sight of Duo clinging on to Wing's leg with such desperation was an opportunity not to be missed. They had just reached the wall, when behind them the warehouse exploded in a shower of pyrotechnics. The force of the blast brought down the buildings like dominoes in a circle around it.

'Hurry up!' Duo screamed with an air of panic in his voice.

    Heero's face stayed calm as he steered Wing around some dunes and settled down in a secluded area. They heard a massive boom as the walls of the complex fell down around it into the burning inferno that was left. The boys let out deep sighs and leaned back. 

'Lets go see the mess.' Duo said gravely.

Heero paused before his answer. Now was the perfect opportunity. 'You go by foot, it's not far. I'll contact the others.'

Duo left without saying goodbye. After all: he didn't know it was.   


	5. chapter 5

Dawn was rising from the horizon. Heero's eyes climbed high into the upper zenith and fixed on the last milky shadows of the moon. A hawk rose and fell on the thermals, bowing low before it. The waiting was over. The letters had been sent. He looked out of the cockpit of Wing at the silent graveyard below him with emotionless eyes. His stomach cramped and his knuckles tightened.

'All systems online. Launch in 3… 2… 1.'

Wing soared high into the sky, through the clouds and into the stratosphere. Below him lay the battlefield, and somewhere, his comrades. Above him was the endless space and stars. He had a choice.

He chose to run.

~*~

Duo hardly dared to breathe as he watched the dust settle before him. In the rubble he thought he could make out pools of scarlet blood, so deep that they rippled when the wind licked their surface. He stared unblinking and slowly brought an intercom to his lips.

'Pilot 02 here. Mission… Accomplished. Next report at 03:00. Over.' 

Suddenly his hand dug deep in the pocket and brought out a crumpled letter smeared with the blood from his fingertips. Duo fell to his knees and dropped the intercom to one side. He unfolded and flattened the letter on the ground, tracing the sentences with his finger as he read them.

'Oh, Heero. No, don't you dare. Don't you…' He whispered as he finished the letter. 'NO! HEERO!'

Duo let out a cry that echoed through the valley. He let go of the letter. A breeze whipped it up into the sky and let it fall into the rubble below him. He crawled to the edge of the cliff and leant over, ripping out clumps of grass with the little strength left in his hands. The battle had been won- so why did he feel so defeated?

'FUCKING BASTARD! YOU HEAR ME HEERO?! I FUCKING NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR UGLY FACE AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME?!'

…Perhaps it's easier to hate him than to love his shadow. He'd just have to wait and see.

Duo gave in, too weak to fight any longer. He cried, and cried, until he could breathe no more, and the tears he squeezed from his eyes he swore were no longer salt and water, but blood.

~*~

Quatre waited anxiously for a second transmission from Duo. It had been too long. It was too quiet.

'Duo? You there? Duo?' He said anxiously into his intercom.

'Yeah. Hey Q.'

Quatre breathed a sigh of relief. 'You okay?'

'Sure.'

'Want some help?'

'It's okay,' Quatre heard the click of a gun's safety catch. 'I'll clean up here.'

~*~


	6. Heero's Letter

Duo,

I don't really know how to start this. Somebody told me that it's easier to say something if you write it down first, so I'm giving it a try.

I guess what I want to tell you in this letter is who I really am. So that there's less chance you'll hate me. Firstly, I suppose I wanted people to think I was antisocial and introverted. That way they don't get to know me. They don't get to hurt me. And I've been doing this for so long that when I tried to let you in, I'd forgotten how. You probably didn't even notice I was doing it, I'm so bad. Bur I did try to be you friend, I did. God did I try. I guess there was some point when I gave up trying, but I can't remember that now. Truth is, I'm a terrified, weak, wretched little boy. I should have never thought that anything could happen between us. I can't handle the consequences.

You were always so good at expressing your feelings; even if we didn't want to hear them. I've always admired that in you. But at least you felt something. I only felt nub and empty inside, like this body is just an empty shell. But I think that you've done something to me, even if I didn't want you to. You've changed me, Duo.

I thought that what I felt for you was purely platonic, and that that was a big enough thing for me to handle. And then last night happened. Truth is, I've never felt like this before in my life, and I'm scared. I know how I feel. I never thought in my wildest dreams that you would ever love me back, Duo. 

But I don't deserve you. You're too good for me. And even if we did try to make it work, it wouldn't. We both have duties to this world, and we can't run away from them, regardless of how much we try. I can't let myself be happy, because I know that as soon as I start to get used to it, something will tear it away from me. And if somebody tore you away from me, I don't think that I would ever recover.

I've come to a decision- I won't tell you who helped me come to it because I know what you'll do to them: I'm leaving. 

Please, just forget about me. By now I should be far away from you. I'm going to one of the colonies, so I can try and start over again. You won't be able to find me. My files have been deleted. To the world, I never existed. 

I need you to tell everyone else for me that I'm leaving. Say I've been assigned somewhere else or something, but please don't tell them the real reason. It's been hard enough for me telling you why. I don't think I can handle the others knowing to.

So this is goodbye Duo. I expect you hate me by now, but this is best for the both of us, I promise. I could never do this if I didn't have the faintest glimmer of hope that it was.

I know you love happy endings. But some stories are doomed from the beginning.

Heero. 


End file.
